Movie Review ~ The Boogeyman (2023)

The Facts:

Synopsis: When a desperate patient unexpectedly shows up at the home of a widowed therapist and his two daughters seeking help, he leaves behind a terrifying supernatural entity that preys on families and feeds on the suffering of its victims.
Stars: Sophie Thatcher, Chris Messina, Vivian Lyra Blair, Marin Ireland, Madison Hu, LisaGay Hamilton, David Dastmalchian
Director: Rob Savage
Rated: PG-13
Running Length: 98 minutes
TMMM Score: (1/10)
Review: Originally published in 1973 as a short story in an innocuous magazine, Stephen King’s ‘The Boogeyman’ is more prominently known to readers as a selection in King’s 1978 short story collection, ‘Night Shift’. That first amassing of King’s tiny terrors holds some mighty famous doozies which would go on to inspire film adaptations that ranged from the spooky (‘Jerusalem’s Lot’ became the 1978 TV movie Salem’s Lot, a remake is finished and waiting on a release date) to the silly (King himself would adapt ‘Trucks’ into infamous turkey Maximum Overdrive in 1986) to the freaky (1984’s Children of the Corn) to the icky (1990’s Graveyard Shift…those rats!). A solid story produced the one genuinely good movie; strangely, it is often the least mentioned, 1991’s Sometimes They Come Back

It would have been great to report that The Boogeyman is as scary as the preview makes it out to be, a balm for King fans that have suffered countless inequities with lame adaptations of the author’s work. I was encouraged by early reports that test screenings had gone so well that 20th Century Studios and Hulu scrapped plans for a direct-to-streaming debut and opted for an exclusive theatrical release. Sadly, with its patchwork script and frequent lapses in common sense, The Boogeyman leaves audiences aimlessly wandering in the darkness as much as it does its characters. Meeting its quota for jump scares and only just, it’s a cash-gobbling theater filler for a studio and filmmakers that can do much better.

In fairness, calling King’s original story flimsy is putting it mildly. Written during a time when King favored ugly words spat out by backward people, it’s the kind of tale you read now and wonder when the author will get to the inevitable point. How it took three respectable screenwriters, Scott Beck (A Quiet Place), Bryan Woods (Haunt), and Mark Heyman (The Skeleton Twins), to come up with such a pithy story to wrap around King’s initial treatment is mystifying. There’s so little happening (or explained) in the final project that it’s…frightening.

The Harper family has suffered a terrible loss and is struggling to put the pieces of their life back together. Dad Will (Chris Messina, I Care a Lot) is a therapist seeing patients out of his home, doing work for them that he ignores for himself. Teenager Sadie (Sophie Thatcher, Yellowjackets) is finally ready to return to school and face her (incredibly b***hy) classmates, another hurdle in a long healing journey. At the same time, her younger sister Sawyer (Vivien Lyra Blair) prefers to sleep with an array of lights on in her bedroom. Little hints are sprinkled initially, but it honestly takes a solid twenty minutes for the script to reveal their mother was killed in an accident (I’m guessing car, but the way Messina drives with his back facing oncoming traffic, he’s clearly not attentive to the rules of the road) and even then, the mother barely functions as a character. However, she factors heavily into the emotional beats of the plot.

As if this grief wasn’t enough, in walks Lester Billings (David Dastmalchian, The Suicide Squad) to see Will for an emergency session. (This entire sequence makes up the source short story.)  During their time, Lester tells Will of an evil that infiltrated his family, with a horrible fate that took his children. Disturbed by Lester’s behavior, Will leaves to “use the bathroom” (code for call the cops) and, in doing so, lets the man wander freely around the house. Will doesn’t know that Sophie has returned early from school after a disastrous first day and will face Lester, setting off a wicked chain of events that unleashes a similar lurking danger in the Harper house. At first targeting Sawyer before turning its attention to Sophie, the sisters must work together to beat back a creature that feeds on grief too raw to shake entirely.

I’m not dismissing that there’s a nugget of good story here. Evil that feeds on unbridled emotion (especially in children who often cannot control it) is a frequent theme in King’s work. With a more sophisticated production, The Boogeyman could have been something special. In the hands of its adaptors, it’s a confusing blob of scenes that don’t align with what came before. It’s as if each of the three writers took an assigned number of sequences and just mashed them all in a lump without cross-checking with one another what’s happening. That’s why you’ll have three people in one house being attacked by a creature, but no one hearing their family member is in trouble or coming to their aid. Multiple times throughout the film, Sophie or Sawyer screams a high-pitched wail, and Will is nowhere to be found. Where has Will vanished to? Often the scariest thing in the film is realizing the girls are left alone so often during an increasingly violent period. It’s obvious there’s been late-stage editing done to tone down parts of the movie to get it to its assigned PG-13 rating. So not only is it rarely scary, but there’s also little bang for your buck in the way of a typical horror payoff.

Director Rob Savage was responsible for one of the best pandemic projects, the terrifying Zoom marvel Host (as well as the creepy 2021 Dashcam), so it’s surprising his name is on such nonsense. His talent for well-timed jump scares and its jittery aftershock is evident, but it’s the time between those ingenious moments when the film is just the absolute pits. It doesn’t help matters the actors look as confused as the script…when we can see them, of course. For a movie about a creature that hunts in the darkness, it becomes enormously funny that characters who know the rules will willingly walk by light switches and lamps without flipping them on or, at the very least, using their cell phone. 

Ending with an Elvis Presley music cue that is the most foolishly on-the-nose needle drop I’ve ever heard is simply the sour cherry on top of this sloppy sundae of a film. The Boogeyman is one of the worst Stephen King adaptations audiences have been treated to, a mostly scare-less drag that’s been smartly marketed as a terror-filled nailbiter. Save your money and gnaw your nails at one of the classic King novels that have received the big screen treatment.

Series Review ~ FUBAR

The Facts:

Synopsis: Luke Brunner and his daughter Emma have lied to each other for years, neither knowing that the other is a CIA operative. Once they both learn the truth and are forced to work together to take down an international terrorist, they realize they know nothing about each other.
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Monica Barbaro, Milan Carter, Gabriel Luna, Fortune Feimster, Travis Van Winkle, Fabiana Udenio, Barbara Eve Harris, Aparna Brielle, Andy Buckley, Jay Baruchel 
Director: Phil Abraham, Stephen Surjik, Steven Adelson, Holly Dale
Running Length: 8 Episodes (~55 minutes each)
TMMM Score: (8/10)
Review: Once the king of the summer blockbuster, it’s been a bit touch and go for Arnold Schwarzenegger over the past decade. Without the sizable hit the A-lister used to knock out on the regular in the late ’80s through to his semi-retirement when he became governor of California in 2003, the actor’s resume has been all over the map. Since his return to acting, it’s hard to predict where he’ll pivot next. One minute he’s trying out deeper acting chops in thrillers like 2015’s Maggie and 2017’s Aftermath, and the next, he’s returning to familiar oft-trod territory like 2019’s shoulda-been-bigger Terminator: Dark Fate

Before falling victim to a similar trajectory as many of his peers from the same era (think Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis) and either going entirely into self-parody or cheapie shoot-em-ups filmed back-to-back-to-back in Slavic locales, Schwarzenegger has been thrown (or found) a lifeline in Nick Santora. A respected showrunner, writer, and executive producer on several crime series for network and basic cable, Santora is the creator of Schwarzenegger’s new 8-episode Netflix gamble FUBAR, and it’s a fast-moving, rollicking roll of the dice that has paid off handsomely for everyone involved. 

Feeling at times like a reworking of True Lies, Schwarzenegger’s 1994 collaboration with James Cameron in that it juggles the personal and professional life of a government agent, FUBAR expands on that film’s scope to incorporate more characters, subplots, and mini adventures that stretch across eight hours of entertainment. I don’t often review series because there’s pressure in that long of a binge, but I burned through FUBAR with minimal interruptions (sleep, the need for sunlight), and I easily could have sat through another few hours with Schwarzenegger and this well-assembled team. 

After years of dedicated service, undercover CIA agent Luke Brunner (Schwarzenegger, Terminator Genisys) is ready to hang up his spy gear and focus on winning back his ex-wife (Fabiana Udenio), who divorced him years earlier in part because of his lack of follow-through on promises to show up when his family needed him the most. His adult daughter Emma (Monica Barbaro, Top Gun: Maverick) is the apple of his eye, excelling at anything she sets her mind to and currently doing humanitarian work in underprivileged countries while her kind-hearted boyfriend (Jay Barucel, Blackberry) waits at home. Son Oscar (Devon Bostick, Words on Bathroom Walls) knows Emma is the son Luke always wanted but is trying to make something for himself with a app that is ahead of the curve.

Before Luke can officially sign out, he and his tech-savvy handler Barry (Milan Carter) are brought back in based on intel received that an agent stationed in Guyana is in grave danger of being found out. The agent is working with a rising extremist (Gabriel Luna, Bernie) Luke has a history with but never broke cover for, so it makes the most sense for him to go in and whisk the agent away before anyone is the wiser. Along with Barry and fellow operatives Aldon (Travis Van Winkle, Friday the 13th) and Roo (Fortune Feimster, Office Christmas Party), they high-tail it to South America, where Luke gets the surprise of his life.

If you’ve seen even one promo for FUBAR (which stands for, well, this), it’s no spoiler to reveal that the agent Luke has been sent to rescue is Emma, and the bulk of the series will revolve around the trust issues that spring up between father and daughter as they reconcile years of deception on both of their parts. Recruited out of college, Emma plays the nice and sweet girl for her family but is an expert agent that often exceeds her father’s capabilities. However, she doesn’t always possess his experience or expertise in diffusing a high-stakes situation. That friction yield results, though, and that, in turn, becomes a strong catalyst for agency leader Dot (Barbara Eve Harris, People Like Us) to insist the two work together to finish this last case.

Though written by a team of scribes and directed by several filmmakers, the eight episodes of FUBAR have a remarkably consistent tone throughout. It’s got all the makings of a summer blockbuster, just in an extended format that is only available through a delivery service like Netflix. Each episode ends on a solid cliffhanger, and while all are available on the same date, it would have been nice to see this series get the weekly release treatment that other streaming sites have been trying lately. I believe audiences would willingly chomp at the bit for the next episode to drop to see how things turn out.

Schwarzenegger the action star was always welcome, but I enjoyed it when the star would turn on his charming talent for wry comedy. He gets a fair shot at both and lands some terrific jokes. Yes, some of the action sequences feature an apparent stunt double, but you can’t fake quality line readings, and there were a few choice Schwarzenegger comebacks or deadpan reactions that I had to rewind to watch again. Surrounding himself with good comedians like Feimster (talk about knowing how to deliver a line!), Carter, Scott Thompson, Andy Buckley (Jurassic World), and Adam Pally (The To Do List) also help in that department.

FUBAR is a perfect series to binge over the Memorial Day weekend, a supercharged return to form for Schwarzenegger. By allowing the star to stretch his considerable muscles in a role that allows him time to play in the action sandbox but pauses long enough to provide him ample amounts of comedy, the creator and filmmakers have given viewers a surefire winner.